Eating disorders: what can relatives do?

It is completely understandable that parents are unhappy and feel helpless when their daughter or son suffers from an eating disorder , or if there is even a suspicion of one of these disorders. In addition, the approach to the disease and its treatment often differ from case to case.

As a parent, legal guardian or other adult who is closest to a teenager suffering from an eating disorder , you can play an important role in getting the sufferer to accept the offer of professional help. Some institutions directly specialize in providing information and advice in this area.

What parents can do

The diagnosis and treatment of an eating disorder (both physical and mental) is in the hands of a doctor. Some clinics even specialize in the treatment of eating disorders.

As a parent, you can help ensure that your child recognizes the need for medical attention and receives treatment. You can support him on his way and contribute to changing the ways of behavior and factors that are directly related to the disease. Most parents want to help their child as much as possible. However, difficulties and problems related to eating disorders can only be overcome with professional help. However, parents can and should monitor the treatment process and stay in touch with their child. On the other hand, permanent or even partial parental supervision can be counterproductive.

A number of different factors contribute to the onset and development of an eating disorder. Although the extended family or the parent itself is usually not the cause of the disease, parents often blame themselves and feel guilty. Various emotions are also understandable to a certain extent , such as especially anger, rage or sadness, either towards oneself or in relation to the child’s behaviour. If it is too much for you, contact a counseling center, or seek the help of a clinical psychologist or psychotherapist who will help you manage your emotions. An eating disorder is not only a burden for the sufferer, but also for his family, or closest surroundings. However, in any case, parental support plays a very important role in the treatment of eating disorders. Only with combined forces is it possible to handle the entire situation, or difficulties arising from it.

What you should know

Always inform the child/adolescent about your decisions, and if possible do not decide everything yourself, but try to involve your child in decision-making. In most cases, it is first necessary to convince the affected person of the need to seek the help of a doctor. You can try to achieve this in the following ways, for example:

• Gain insight, then act. An eating disorder is by no means a “normal phase of puberty” that will go away on its own. Accept that this is a mental illness .
• Get the information. They will be provided to you by a doctor or a specialized counseling center.
• Connect and support the child together. Coping with this situation is very difficult for a person himself. Ideally, both parents should support the child. Even if the parents live separately, they should look for a common path, try to avoid disputes and focus their attention on helping the child. Sometimes it is necessary to warn the partner very strongly that the child also needs his help.
• Do not interrupt the child when he tries to start a conversation with you. In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is not always easy to accommodate the wishes of others. Nevertheless, try to reserve at least a moment of time and give the child the opportunity to talk – either at moments when you feel physically and mentally ready for it, or at pre-arranged times.
• Communicate with the child – without reproaches and without exaggeration. Find some quiet time and talk to your child about what you perceive from his side, how you feel, or perhaps that a change in his behavior worries you. Many parents fear such a conversation and avoid it. However, it is important to let the child know that you are offering help, even though your offer will probably not be accepted (at least at first). During the conversation, try not to keep talking about your figure or losing weight , and don’t get drawn into discussions about these topics. Tell your child that you have already looked for information about this issue, for example at a counseling center or a doctor. Don’t seek help secretly, behind your child’s back! Even if your child refuses help, makes various excuses or even reacts aggressively , try to appear calm and continue the conversation if possible in the given situation.
• Convince the child to see a doctor. As a parent, you have a responsibility for your child. Eating disorders can have serious consequences. At the point when the child is ready to undergo treatment, you should support his efforts. Take an interest in the treatment, but don’t interfere. Do not try to get information about ongoing treatment from your child. Even though you may not be happy with it, respect your child’s decision (including stopping treatment) and his privacy. Do not attempt to supervise the child at all times.
• Go to a specialized counseling center. Take leaflets and other informational materials there and leave them at home for other members of the household to look at. You cannot force a disabled person to go for counseling. Threats are misplaced and “persuasion attempts” often fail. There is also the option of anonymous counseling, which may be more acceptable for the child, even over the phone. Expect that it will take some time for the child to come to the belief that he needs advice, or that he will undergo treatment.

Don’t forget your family and yourself

There are a number of proven tips and advice that can make handling the whole situation easier for both children and their parents or legal representatives. These are for example:

• Get help for yourself. Sometimes it is simply too much for a person, in which case do not hesitate to seek the help of an expert yourself ( clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, etc.).
• Don’t forget the rest of the family or your own life. An eating disorder is a burden on the whole family. Siblings also have to deal with a difficult situation. It often helps to talk openly with them about the issues that are bothering you. Explain to them that it’s okay to express their feelings and needs and set boundaries (and that the person may feel angry, resentful, or helpless as a result), and that you understand that they don’t want to just keep hearing discussions about food, and that you understand and their feeling that the disabled person is treated like a “painted egg”. Meeting friends, having fun and living your own life is important for everyone – for children, for teenagers and for parents. Even in this case, experts in a specialized consultancy can help you.
• Set rules and stick to them. For example, if your child suffers from anorexia and the situation is too stressful for everyone in the household, you can agree to eat separately so that the rest of the family can eat in a relaxed and relaxed atmosphere. People suffering from anorexia often like to cook for others, but do not eat with others themselves. Sometimes it can help if you ban such a person from being in the kitchen (or cooking for others).
• Look for advice in the right places. Sharing information with friends or relatives can sometimes help a person, but often it can make them even more uncertain. You can get the most effective tips and advice in specialized counseling centers.

What to do with suicidal thoughts?

Suicidal thoughts can also occur in people suffering from eating disorders. They are often formulated indirectly, for example in the sense of : “It’s all for nothing, I don’t want to go on.”